living.in.technicolor

bound-to-happen:

I’ve been getting a lot of flak for having gone out with my most recent ex and everyone always tells me, “You can do better.” What does that mean? Sure, he might not have been the most attractive person in the world and he might not have been the brightest bulb in the pack, but I had my completely legitimate reasons for going out with him and to say “you can do better” questions my judgment in a highly offensive manner.

When I ask them what they mean when they say that, I usually get something about how they think he’s unattractive and how someone “as attractive as you are” could therefore “do better”. I think appearances are an incredibly petty and selfish reason to not go out with a person.

If I subscribed to such a terrible philosophy, what was I supposed to tell him? “Sorry, you have a great personality and we have a lot in common, but you’re not attractive enough to be with me.”

The same people who are telling me that I could do better are the same people who will probably end up all alone because they themselves could “do better”. There’s no point in appreciating what you have if you’re deluded into thinking that while the person you have at the moment might be good, but “you can do better”.

Rawr. I’m done ranting.

On one hand, it sounds like they were trying to compliment you or make you feel better for whatever reason. I don’t know personally why you broke up with your ex but if you were the “victim” or were perceived as much, then I can see why they would say that. Also, I think that appearances can be a legitimate reason to break up with someone, especially if they stop taking care of themselves, but it shouldn’t be the only reason.

On the other hand, it is disheartening to know that these people didn’t really respect your relationship in the first place. People like couples of equal attractiveness because they’re easier to understand and accept. Even so, relationships are about compromise and growth and I think a lot of people aren’t willing to invest in that, especially if they’re only focused on what’s immediately available. I hope you find friends who can appreciate that.

(Source: an-examined-life)