Love is trust. I think this is one of its most basic aspects. It involves open communication when it counts; realistic but not overly-optimistic or pessimistic. I don’t think any relationship is ever that open where everything is discussed but it’s something to strive for. It relates to the idealism discussed here.
I don’t think you can really love someone unless you trust that person to be himself/herself. After all, if you can’t trust the one you love, if you believe others over what he/she has to say, who do you trust then? And if when it’s gone, it’s hard to recover before more malicious feelings (like jealousy) come into play, like “a crack in that motherf*cker’s reflection.”
See also: Moulin Rouge - “El Tango de Roxanne”
Love is rare. Outside of one’s family, love is hard to find. You might date a lot of people, develop a sense of trust with each person, and genuinely enjoy each others company. But in the end, only a few people will tell you that they love you and mean it. It’s hard to ignore once he/she/you admit it and should not something to take for granted. It might not last forever either but in those moments, it is something to treasure.
Love is changing yourself for the better for that special person.
I think this is the most important quality for me. For instance, I didn’t like my boyfriend at first, even when I found out that he liked me a lot. Yet over time, he started dressing better; taking care of his appearance; and being a more involved, supportive person in my life. I noticed these things with grateful appreciation and in return, I wanted to make him happy the best way I could.
However, I don’t mean you should change who you are completely just for another person’s attention. But it’s the little self-improvements that can help change someone’s mind. Cutting out bad habits. A makeover. A new hobby. Basically, it’s showing that you understand that you can always be a better person, that you’re not satisfied with the status quo.
For me, the process and product of all this shows sacrifice and effort. I’d even say it impresses me more than a pretty face or a nice set of abs. Plus, it makes me willing to be a better person myself.
Love is narcissistic. You not only enjoy the company of the person you have feelings for but you enjoy the attention that person gives to you. Your insecurities are washed away by this person’s idealized perspective. You enjoy being in the eye of the beholder.
Love is idealistic. You idealize the person you love from the beginning. Everything about him seems perfect; the flaws melt away. You want your love to be based on ideals; honesty, faithfulness, fun. When it falls apart, it’s seductive to think it was because one party didn’t adhere to their end or stuck to them too rigidly. It’s hard to recover that idealism once it’s been broken.
Love is vulnerable. To admit being love with someone is to put yourself out there at your most raw and needy. You risk ridicule, anger or indifference in doing so. And yet, the emotional connection makes it worth it. To share moments and express yourself without judgment or inhibition is one of the things I enjoy the most.
Love needs to be tested. Maybe this is the scientist in me talking but without tests, how do you know it’s love? It has to resist stress, temptation, and distance and sacrifice something for the sake of another. Even if you break up with someone, try to find love elsewhere and still find yourself wanting to be with that person, and vice versa in spite of all the drama, then maybe it’s worth keeping for both parties’ sakes.
Love is contingent. It is based on a particular time, a place, a state of maturity, a memory or feeling. With time and a change of locale, it can morph into something else, attach, detach, fade, grow and ebb. In that sense, I don’t believe in true love or “the one.” We just stick with who best fits us at the “time,” over several “times” in our life.
Love needs time to grow. I don’t believe in love at first sight, just instant attraction. Falling in love with someone requires courtship and effort towards a relationship. You grow to love someone through each others’ company, the comfort that brings, and willingness to help one another through thick and thin.
In that sense, I admire old couples who have been married for a long time. Their love has incorporated elements of all 3 things: it has been tested, it has fit for both lovers over many years, and has matured into something strong.
